Presence

by Eddie Pipkin

I had some friends who called on short notice to see if they could come for a visit for a few days.  I was busy.  There had been a lot going on. My first reaction was that the timing wasn’t great, so maybe next time, or that the visit would need to be short and sweet.  But we love these friends.  We love it when they stay with us; it’s like a mini-staycation.  So, of course, we said, “Please come!” And while I churned out chores as hard as I could churn in the days before their arrival, once they were at the house, I leaned into the policy of letting everything else go so that I could focus fully on the visitors at hand.  Presence is paramount.  When we are doing a thing, our full focus should be on that thing.  If we’re distracted or detached when we’re doing a thing, we miss out on so much.

We had a great time.  All the hard work I had done prior to the arrival of my friends felt more sweetly accomplished because of the time I spent fully engaged with them, and all the work remaining to be done after they left was more manageable with more enthusiasm because I had taken the time to fully rest and recharge in their company.

Whatever we are doing, we do it better and we do it with more purpose if we are fully present and mindful in the moment while we are doing it, not preoccupied with all the things left unfinished and not obsessed with the challenges yet to come.

Eleanor Roosevelt is reported to have said, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift – that’s why it’s called the present.”

When we stay locked in on the present moment and the assignment at hand, we unlock the potential to deeply connect to others.  We release the full energy and potential of what’s happening right now.  When we begin an event, a conversation, or a meeting begrudgingly, with our mind elsewhere, we immediately constrict the possibilities of what can unfold.  People can tell that we’re not giving them our full attention, whether it’s in a hospital visit or leading a sprawling worship service.  (I used to say this a lot in children’s ministry leadership: “Even a four-year-old can tell if you are making a half effort.”)

Yet we so often find ourselves making the mistake of half-hearted presence in our ministry spaces.  Sometimes we are telegraphing that we don’t think the thing we are attending or leading is worthy of our time.  Sometimes we are worrying about something in the past or future at the expense of the here and now.  Sometimes we are trying to multi-task, laboring under the false mythology that we can be more efficient and effective with our time if we try to do three things at once.  Sometimes we are intending to be focused, but we empower other people to be distracted and disruptive.

Presence requires intentionality.  We must declare our intentions before we begin.  It is only by naming this goal that we can push back against distractions and disruptions.  Of course, sometimes, the work is to welcome the distraction if it comes from an external place that is worthy of attention in the moment.  Some of the useful discipline of managing our time and focus is knowing when to manage the distraction (no calls during the meeting!) and when to welcome the distraction as the place where we now need to be fully present if only for a time (imagine that a person desperately in need of prayer inadvertently disrupts our meeting): these are the “holy interruptions.”

Holy interruptions are different than structural distractions.  I’m a big fan of keeping technology out of face-to-face meetings.  It would take a gathering of supremely gifted beings to bring along laptops and smartphones in the name of efficiency and not get sidetracked into a dozen different directions with everyone eventually doing something different on their devices.

Focus and presence are enhanced by making environmental choices that minimize useless distractions.  They are enhanced by knowing and naming why we have gathered together (either for a conference or a friendly coffee), and they are enhanced by planning the way in which we are going to use our time.

It was interesting as I gathered with my good friends last week, and we speculated on itineraries of various possible adventures, that we landed on “just hanging out together and catching up” as our primary goal.  So, while we did share a couple of outings, hanging out and catching up with good food and drink pretty much sums up how we spent our long weekend together.  It was glorious.

Whatever we are doing we should do with our whole heart while we are doing it.  We should give it our full attention.  When we do this, we will harvest the maximum benefit and blessing from that activity, whatever it is.  If we are meeting with another individual, we should make eye contact and listen attentively to every word.  If we are leading a group, we should do it with enthusiasm and engagement.  If we are writing a report, we should give it our best effort, with as much supporting detail as possible.

It is also true that doing otherwise – allowing ourselves to be distracted by the next thing on our agenda – will almost certainly add nothing to our ability to do that next thing well.  Meanwhile, we will have missed out on the full benefit of the thing in which we were engaged.

Eckhart Tole said, “Your entire life happens only in this moment.  The present moment is life itself.”

There is an undeniable, mystical connection between presence and gratitude.

Maya Angelou said, “Be present in all things and thankful for all things.”

They are intertwined as attitudes: being fully present leads us to thankfulness for the moment, and being thankful for the moment in which we find ourselves, whatever that moment may be, powers us to be fully present and engaged.

Jesus is a constant example of these intertwined attitudes throughout the Gospel accounts.  He is always fully present, always focused on the moment at hand.

St. Therese of the Little Way, some 1,900 years later, took those examples of Jesus and, inspired by them, developed her practice of “doing small things with great love.”  She demonstrated that the size of the task or the glamor of a given relationship is not what matters; it is the grace and love and attentiveness that we bring to everything we do that makes the difference.  This is where the meaning and value are found.  Sometimes our accomplishments are grand.  Sometimes our days are mundane.  But everything we do with love and diligence matters.

Stop selling yourself and the people around you short – those you lead and those with whom you are partnered, however briefly, deserve your undivided attention.

Give them the full you for full time and see what magical things happen.