Of Hospitality

by Eddie Pipkin

We went on a recent weekend trip during which we made two stops, a brunch at the home of some relatives we see infrequently and then an overnight stay with some close friends who now live several hours away. At both places, we felt we were treated like royalty. Each home offered first-class hospitality, and it got me to thinking, how do we define hospitality anyway? We know it when we’re experiencing it! But do you and your team take the time to think seriously about what its elements are and how to bring them to life in the local church? It’s a worthy exercise, because it may be the difference between whether people are one-and-done when they visit or eager to come back again and again.

You can, of course, read an exhaustive list of sources on hospitality in the home, retail spaces, and even churches (in fact, Excellence in Ministry Coaching founder Phil Maynard has whole chapters on that topic in his Connect! Resource, available on the EMC3 website). It’s a topic I’ve written about plenty in the blog. You can boil it down to a set of principles and bullet points. You can come up with a detailed spreadsheet listing all the do’s and don’ts. You can do all of that, but there’s still something impalpable about it. It’s still more art than science. So, my recent experience had me thinking about what are the essential conditions that make a person feel special.

It comes down to welcome, comfort, and exceptionalism.

In a truly hospitable home (or church!), you have no doubt that you are welcome.

You are greeted effusively at the front door. You are shown about the place and its spaces with pride and enthusiasm. You are invited to make yourself at home, to take advantage of the amenities and explore all the ways you might enjoy and engage. People are proud of their home and the projects that have made it uniquely their space. They want you to celebrate it with them!

In a truly hospitable home (or church!), you are made to feel comfortable and at ease.

You are given enough of a tour that you know how to find the places you will need to meet your needs. Those places are well-stocked with supplies from TP to fresh linens. The bed makes for a great night’s sleep. The room temperature is in the perfect zone. There is music to lighten the mood (with a thoughtful playlist). There are fresh flowers (both homes we visited had fresh flowers!) You are offered the best seat in the house. You are asked frequently if you need anything.

In a truly hospitable home (or church!), you feel like you are being treated in ways that are extra special.

This category of care obviously overlaps with the first two, because the extra steps that make you feel special can be expressions of welcome and comfort. If you’re fed well (and we were fed exceptionally well at our stops), that’s a kind of necessary comfort extended to guests, but there’s a big difference between perfunctory nutrition and an expansive, lovingly prepared meal. At one stop we had a brunch that featured fresh eggs, homemade biscuits, thick bacon, and a luscious cinnamon apple bake. That’s a far cry from “Here’s a box of donuts. Dig in.” At our other stop, we were treated to the famous Salmon Dinner, a dreamy plank of baked salmon with fresh steamed vegetables, pan-crispy sweet potatoes, tossed salad, and a choice of ice cream flavors for dessert. Better than a restaurant! A great playlist of jazzy covers in the background! Real napkins!

All of these hospitality characteristics are defined by a thoughtful attention to detail, joyfully executed.

This is why they sometimes fail at local churches, even when there is a good plan and competent people involved in executing that plan. If the hospitality strategy becomes a process of checking all the right boxes, it’s possible to let important details slip under the radar. If every single relevant detail is not incorporated in the plan, someone who is just executing the instructions, point by point, may miss something that matters. A team made up of individuals that have a passion for hospitality is going to intuitively understand how to move beyond list management to see the whole picture and add the little extra touches that move the needle from nice to wonderful.

Likewise, if you recruit hospitality team managers and members who work hard and competently but don’t have a passion for making people feel welcome and special, there is not going to be joy in their work. People notice that, even if they can’t quite articulate what it is that’s missing.

We have the luxury in church hospitality of building teams to get all of this work done. There are people whose gift is making things look nice, and there are people whose gift is baking goodies and preparing alluring coffee stations, and there are people whose gift is chatting up guests and making them feel at home. These are rarely the same people. For those putting hospitality together in our local settings, the task is to slot people with their gifts and interests and avoid saddling people with duties which they disdain and at which they are not talented. If we get that mix right, we are firing on all cylinders, and people who enter our spaces feel safe, valued, and encouraged to join our community.

How’s the hospitality ministry going for you in your local church? Maybe it’s been a while since you took a close look. I always recommend an outside audit! Get someone with fresh eyes to share their experience in detail. Don’t be afraid to ask visitors what appealed to them and what might have put them off. Doing this right is a wonderful opportunity to live out an established biblical principle, and doing so can bring a fresh energy and excitement even to those who join us every week.