by Eddie Pipkin

Image by Uwe Baumann from Pixabay

I had a good friend who was telling me about attending one of those “Sip & Paint” events.  She does this on occasion, meet up with some pals for a glass of wine and a guided painting session.  None of them are artists, not even the amateur kind.  That’s why I thought her post-event routine was riotous.  She knows she doesn’t have any interest in keeping the resulting artwork, and she wouldn’t fob it off on anyone else, so on her way home from the sipping and painting session, she stops by the local Goodwill donation center and leaves her newly minted masterpiece leaning against the donations door.  The pretense of painting is fun and all, but my friend understands it’s not really the point.  Sometimes the significance of a thing is not the headline; it’s the associated connections that end up mattering most.

What my friend understood was that the “subject” of the gathering (its stated purpose) was painting a picture, maybe flowers, maybe a panda bear, maybe a starry night.  That was the stated purpose of the event.  But what this get-together was really about was spending some quality time with friends.  It was about relationships.

She does this on an occasional basis with people she knows but doesn’t see very often.  It’s an excuse to spend time with one another.  And indeed they do affirm the positivity of making a little art, proving that artistic expression is not just for the elites!  That’s a laudable goal as well, but the primary purpose of popping corks and sloshing some paint around on a canvas is so that friends can catch up.  It’s a framework for bonding, and such gatherings inevitably need a framework to put people at ease and help folks share space and at a given time.

If you were hoping to get some people together for the very first time so that they could get to know one another in a non-threatening and fun environment, this would also be a perfectly serviceable model.

Local church life is built around gatherings, and the gatherings are sometimes promoted exclusively opportunities for people to get to know one another better.  In the church biz, we tend to refer to these assemblages as ‘fellowship’ opportunities.  Such categorization often serves to distinguish those gatherings as less important than the more serious work of study or service.  It’s funny how we’ll even go out of our way to promote ‘fellowship’ opportunities as less demanding of the attendees – you know, “this is just a fun, fellowship event, no work required.”

But I’ve frequently made the point in this space that growing meaningful relationships is the most important work we do.  Our relationship with God grows in tandem with our relationships with other people with whom we are connected on life’s journey.

The point is not that we shouldn’t do exclusive fellowship events – of course, we should do events that are primarily intended for connecting previously unconnected people and deepening relationships with people who already know one another.  The point is that we should be careful not to lose sight that every program and event, every gathering, should be focused on building and deepening relationships.

Of course, even primarily fellowship-oriented gatherings can have a spiritual growth component.  Every moment of life has opportunities for practicing our spiritual disciplines, and we help people appreciate their integration into life’s routines when we find ways to seamlessly embed them in even the fun stuff.  Sharing a prayer of thanksgiving before a barbecue together, done well, can be a time of deep meaning.

Likewise, the avowedly super serious work we do involving spiritual growth should not mean the abdication of fellowship.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the importance of the programming or the intent of the special event that we forget that people are involved!  Are the people in service of the programming or the event, or are the people the point of it all?  An intensive New Testament study that compares and contrasts scripture translations in detail in a room full of people who ignore one another as human disciples struggling to apply those words of wisdom kind of misses the point, doesn’t it?

My same friend who had been on the painting excursion also recounted a recent visit to a small local church.  She’d never been to this little church before, even though it was in the neighborhood, but she was intrigued by the subject of a study they were beginning and had vigorously promoted to the community.  She showed up (during the standard Sunday School slot before worship) and seated herself at a table with several other people.  But other than some quick, perfunctory good mornings, nobody engaged her in conversation.

The content was good; the context was disappointing.  And we live in an age where practically no one shows up exclusively for content anymore; that’s what YouTube is for.  People show up because they want content in the context of a community.  And you can’t have community without conversation.  And you can’t have conversation without people embracing that as part of their role as caretakers of the community.

That’s culture.  We build culture by establishing a vision and values and communicating those things on a regular basis.  Connection is everybody’s responsibility (not just the paid staff and the key volunteers).

Great content is a worthy goal.  Outstanding events are worthy of accolades.  But none of that matters if relationship building is not front and center.

How do you and your team put relationship building at the center of your work?  Do you have a culture that encourages connection on every occasion?  Do you sometimes get so caught up in the work of programming and event execution that you squeeze the people who show up out of the equation?  What changes could you make that would put people first?