by Eddie Pipkin

I cannot for the life of me tear open the top of a reusable bag without mutilating it.  I have never had this skill, the proficiency to rip things open along the dotted line.  I destroyed every pasteboard milk carton at elementary school lunch.  I mangled every tear-out test sheet.  Even with today’s clearly marked notches at the top of the bag of my morning oatmeal, my rip somehow goes astray, wrecking the resealable strip.  Every time.  Maybe you share this ineptitude.  Maybe the manifestation of your klutziness is in a different area.  We all struggle with something.  It’s how we respond to the struggle that ultimately defines our reputation and the success of our ministry efforts.

So, here’s the metaphor for the day: physical ineptitude in completing a regular, seemingly simple task.  What works for solving simple frustrations works for solving complex conundrums.

If like me, you’re having trouble tearing a bag open along the dotted line, there are many ways in which you might respond:

  • Bitter recriminations directed at a broad cast of characters: the universe (physics), your parents (who gifted you with klutzy DNA), bag manufacturers (what was wrong with the old version?), etc.  These are the animadversions, critiques, and fault laying.  Blame must be assigned!  In ministry terms, whatever goes wrong must be somebody else’s fault.
  • Pity party.  Woe is me: big, dumb, klutzy, can’t-do-anything right me.  I’m just gonna quit eating oatmeal.  In ministry terms, pity begats mopey me, whom everybody just loooves working with (not).  I start every conversation and every proposal with a reminder of how I am going to screw it up.  I sabotage the thing before it’s even a thing with negative language and an attitude of failure to spare myself the potential embarrassment of an actual failure down the road.
  • Frustration boils over and is manifested in physical expression.  I hurl the torn bag of oatmeal across the kitchen, showering the counter and floor with a snowfall of flakes, each symbolizing a moment in which I was frustrated with my poor performance in various settings.  In ministry terms – well, let’s hope there’s no ministry parallel for this version of response, although sometimes even our shoulder shrugs, eye rolls, and chair flops can seem scarily foreboding or violent to the other people in the room.

Those are negative responses, but it’s altogether possible that we grant ourselves a little grace and laugh at that ineptitude – after all, the world is not going to implode over one torn oatmeal bag – and choose to respond in a more positive manner.  We grant ourselves an amnesty from our animadversions, and channel that energy in a useful direction.

  • Smile and try try again.  Don’t give up – in a lot of cases, it’s impossible to give up, because we have no choice but to regularly do something we’re not particularly good at.  Keep working the problem, patiently, understanding that it’s a long game and aiming for incremental progress.
  • Slow down and breathe deeply.  This is a form of trying and trying again, or rather a technique for making repeated tries possible while maintaining one’s sanity and spiritual equilibrium.  If we can learn to pause, take a deep breath, and proceed with slow deliberation before we approach a task with which we have repeatedly struggled before, we might find out that many of our mistakes were born of moving too fast and too thoughtlessly.
  • Study to get better.  If we regularly struggle with a task, maybe it’s time to get some expert insight.  Pull up a YouTube video on how to successfully open (or reopen or reseal) a resealable bag.  There is literally a YouTube video for everything.  Ask someone else who is better at a thing than you are for tips and techniques.  Enroll in a class.  Master the task with instruction and guidance.
  • Ask a friend for help.  If you know you’re not good at something, get someone to help you.  People love helping.  They are often dumbfounded that we didn’t get help when we could have simply solicited it from people who care about us and want us to succeed.  In my case, I certainly have people who love me who would be honored to open any tricky bag on my behalf.  On the other hand, I am the king of opening stuck jar lids!  And I love to do that for people in need!  Why am I so stubborn about accepting help when there’s a thing I can’t do well on my own?
  • Decant the situation.  Go ahead and rip that bag right open if that’s the only technique that you can master.  Then dump all those oats in a perfectly good glass jar or plastic container.  They’re prettier that way, too!  And your frustration is gone – the problem is solved.  Solved in your special way perhaps, but as a practical matter, over and done with.  There’s always a workaround, and if you need a weird workaround, take it and don’t be ashamed.  It’s better to choose an alternative solution and complete the task than to be swamped by people’s expectations and critiques about how they would do it better.  What matters is results!

All of these are alternatives in which we look reality squarely in the face, but without judgement.  It is what it is, and if we are klutzy, that is a truth we can work with.  It is not fair to judge ourselves or anybody else harshly because of a physical limitation or a character trait.  We can all work to be better, to steadily improve, but a prohibitive blanket judgment is inappropriate and unhelpful.

Let’s be honest.  Let’s be considerate.  Let’s be patient.  Let’s be supportive.

Let’s maintain a sense of humor and a sense of hope about it all.

And we’ll all chow down on some nourishing, yummy oatmeal together.  I like mine with blueberries, bananas, and a little honey.

What do you think?  What’s your bugaboo?  What’s your Achilles heel?  The thing that conquers you again and again?  Are you honest about it, and do you acknowledge it with others so that they can be of help (or at least extend a little compassionate understanding)?  How do you help others deal with their frustration points?  What are good models you have learned over the years or some ideas you tried that failed spectacularly?  Share the good stuff in the comments section below.