by Eddie Pipkin

Confession time: I am terrible at backing up trailers.  If you are one of those human beings who is naturally gifted at reversing a vehicle with a trailer behind it, be it a boat trailer, cargo trailer, or camper, I salute you.  I have owned trailers over the years, and currently I have a nifty little trailer onto which I load my kayaks, but I have developed all sorts of strategies for never ever having to back it up.  Plus, it’s such a small trailer that, worst comes to worst, I can just take it off the hitch and walk it to wherever it needs to go.  Or I can ask for a little help.  Whatever the challenge, it is always a fine plan to ask for a little help.

Asking for help isn’t just a quick solution to the problem at hand.  It’s an excellent strategy for living and leading.

This past weekend, I was leading a river adventure for 16 people, and I had brought along my trailer filled with kayaks, towed behind my Honda CRV.  At the put-in for the second day of paddling, there was a very long, very steep boat ramp.  There was no way I was going to back this trailer down this ramp, short of taking 45 minutes to do it, one micro-adjustment at a time, forward and back, forward and back, forward and back, ad infinitum.  A large group of people was going to be laughing at me with gusto, then looking at their watches with impatience.  The first thought to come to mind when I saw the situation was to just stop at the top of the hill and let all those paddlers carry their own boats down that lengthy incline, offering up some lame excuse for why it made more sense to do it that way.

But I had the good sense to instead hop right out of the car and toss the key fob to my son, a seasoned pro at trailer backing.  “I defer to the expert,” I loudly announced.  And everybody watched as he climbed in, put that car in reverse, and backed that trailer straight down to the river in one shot without hesitation.  Honestly, it was a thing of beauty.

Asking for help when we know we need it can indeed be a beautiful thing.

There are sometimes complex moments of self-evaluation when we are not quite sure whether we have arrived at the point of needing help (and arguably, even in those cases, there’s an argument to be made for requesting and receiving help anyway).  But the story I have just shared illustrates one of those moments in which there is no doubt in our mind that we could use some help.  Not asking for it is merely a sacrifice to stubbornness.  It is a nod to our ego.  We don’t ask because we are convinced that we are showing weakness or letting others down by not being able to take command of a situation all on our own.

Balderdash.  Everybody needs help.  And let’s be fully transparent: in those moments, everyone around us can see that we clearly need assistance.

From a ministry leadership perspective, there are practical reasons to ask for help:

  • Asking for help leverages the expertise of others.

Obviously, we can’t know how to do everything well.  We just spin fantasies that we can.  But to keep those myths spinning, we compromise our productivity.  We avoid things we’re not gifted at.  We sabotage efforts and initiatives, devising workaround for our insufficiencies.  A better solution is tapping into the magic that is a diverse team with a diversified skill set!  When we all concentrate on doing what we’re good at, we are able to broaden our horizons.

  • Asking for help saves time.

We waste too much time slogging through assignments at which we are not skilled.  If we develop a culture of unleashing the power of people to help where they are needed, we can get things done faster.  If we develop the decision muscle to involve others earlier in the process, we can speed things along with fewer roundabouts and roadblocks.

  • Asking for help reduces stress.

It takes a lot of mental energy to keep trying to do something we’re not great at.  We can take the pressure off ourselves by letting others get involved.  This also reduces their stress!  They’ve been watching from the sidelines, knowing that we are struggling, and trying to figure out how to get us to let them help us.  Also, once we’ve released them to help us, we are then free to concentrate on doing the things we are most competent to do.

  • Asking for help improves quality.

When we force the issue and insist on doing things the hard way – doing a poor job at something in which we are not truly skilled – the results are never as good as if we empowered someone talented in that area to do that thing.  Bring in the best experts available at every stage, encourage everyone to work with each other, and the best results are guaranteed.

  • Asking for help improves efficiency.

In addition to the enhancements in speed which benefit a project for which we are willing to accept help, there is greater systemic efficiency in a work culture in which people understand this is how we get things done.  We learn to design projects and timelines with these best practices built into the process, and we are comfortable sliding temporarily into one another’s projects as needed.

Those practical benefits would be more than enough reason to embrace the strategy of helping leaders ask for help more often, but there are also philosophical reasons to build a culture of asking for help:

  • You demonstrate humility as a core value.

For ministry leaders – for any great leader – humility is an important attribute.  Asking for help without hesitation is one of the best ways to actively demonstrate humility.  We have to let go of our sense of pride, the weak fallacy we must always be the solution to every problem.

  • You empower others to do what they do well.

This is a great way to boost the confidence of those with whom we serve.  We demonstrate that we have been paying attention to what they’re good at, that we value those skills and talents, and that we are not afraid to let them use those positive attributes.  This benefits us and our organization even as it gives a sense of purpose and value to them.

  • You create a sense of teamwork.

We love that phrase, “Teamwork makes the dream work,” because it captures the way everyone contributes to bringing our shared vision to life.  We can’t do that work unless everyone is enthusiastically offering the best elements of who they are and what they can do.  When people are in that mode of maximum contribution, it makes everyone better across the board as we move from strength to strength.

  • You establish the principle that meeting the challenge means doing whatever it takes.

It’s the work that’s important, not the credit.  It’s the goal that matters most, not whether we need some help in getting there.  We have all served in organizations in which we knew deep down that the leader’s ego was more important than the work or the goal at hand, or we have suffered through a time that keeping someone happy meant more than achieving the vision.  When we are all comfortable asking each other for help, we can move past petty problems and politics and on to big wins.

  • You gain new perspectives and knowledge.

This is how we learn and grow.  We watch while others tackle problems that intimidate us, and we profit from their performance.  Maybe they can help us get better at the thing.  Maybe we are able to do the thing better next time just from watching them.  Or maybe they are willing to coach us in learning a new skill.  Maybe we are just reminded, in the healthiest sense, what we are gifted for and what we are not (and that’s okay!).

We might even be encouraged to take a risk or learn something new ourselves.

I have not given up on becoming a better backer of trailers.  I know that if I took a weekend to really practice, to receive instruction and advice and get out there and do the thing over and over in a safe environment, I’ll get better.  Some day that will be a priority.  But for now, it feels freeing to admit to my lack of skills and breezily call out for some assistance as needed.

How do you and your team do at asking for help?  Is it hard?  Is it natural?  What personal stories can you share about lessons you’ve learned and insights you’ve gained from letting someone else take the helm?